I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
