nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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