he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
