is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
