Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
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She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
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Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink