He asked to "fluff my boner.."
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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