**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
