Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
