ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
