I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Come on in and take your pants off
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