Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
