no, he came in my armpit
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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