this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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