Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
