i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
