she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
