Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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