I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
