yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
