you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
