my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
