Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
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