ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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