WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
