I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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