Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
