My nipple is on Facebook.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
