Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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