spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
