i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
