dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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