Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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