Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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