Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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