Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
