We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
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I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
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Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Damn victory sex feels great
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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