Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
