my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
