He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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