i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
