just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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