Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
