After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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