I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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