More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The convent might be a nice break from real life
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
