It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
