I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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