Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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