But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize