i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
