I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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