Already got asked if we're dating
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
