is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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