Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
