Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
