this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize