She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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