It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
