i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
