Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
