just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
