his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
