Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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